January 2010
19 posts
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“Does she look like that on purpose? She looks like she lost a bet.”
– Andrew
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“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
– Dolly Parton
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“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time...”
– Miss Piggy
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“I just ate the best pie ever, I know it’s hard to understand but your...”
– Michael D.
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The Kegelmaster
Me: It looks like a Snork with a speculum that was coated in pepto!
Meghan: That looks like a vagina straightener.. It's a vagina jack
Me: It actually is! It's to help keep things right and tight, like a lug nut for a tire.... only this is for the lady business.
Meghan: Yup!
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“Some men prefer their milkshake to be a little thicker.”
– Me
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“Ughhh, if I’m ever a prostitute and a trick wants scat, I’m eating...”
– Andrew
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“25 years ago today you were a big pain in my a** and now today on your 25th...”
– My Mother
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Finally time to get myself a whistlin'
“Female rapper, Eve has parted ways with Interscope/Geffen/A&M Records where she released her first three albums. She has confirmed that her new album is titled ‘Lip Lock’ and will feature ‘Tambourine’ and ‘Give It to You’ as bonus tracks. Expected to be released later this year!” Source
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Inside Jokes FTW!
Jasmine: you would.
Me: I did.
Jasmine: I'm aware.
Me: I'm glad.
Jasmine: as am I
Me: nice to know.
Jasmine: you're a douche.
Me: YOU ARE ASS!
Me: bahahaha I WIN!
Jasmine: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA you SO win.
Human Corkboard
Nick: Ooooo! I found a thumbtack. Guess where I found it
Me: Where?
Nick: In my left foot.